Cleansing, Purging, Starting Over

As I near the beginning of my "Second Adulthood," I find myself looking at my current life, and all of things in it, with a new perspective. Only a few years ago, I felt completely fulfilled when looking at my life. I had achieved all of the goals that I had set for myself at the beginning of my "First Adulthood." College, career, marriage, motherhood, dream house in the suburbs--I was feeling really good about everything. I actually got excited about decorating our family home and creating the perfect child-friendly environment. My favorite magazine was Family Fun, and every season and holiday was a reason to celebrate. I really enjoyed this stage in life--but then things began to change.

Maybe it was a mixture of changes instead of just one thing. First and foremost, my children grew up. They no longer enjoyed participating in the family traditions of their youth. They hit puberty, and almost every past tradition was outgrown. It was hard to let go of their youth at first, but later I found myself getting less and less excited about things, too. We all were ready to move on to the next stage in life. As they entered adolescence, I entered midlife--and I discovered that both stages in life require a complete transformation, or metamorphosis. For my kids, it was time to put away all of the things from childhood. For me, it was time to reevaluate my life. I discovered that I had outgrown many things that seemed to fit perfectly fine a few years ago--and I'm not only referring to my wardrobe.

Career--In my early adulthood, I was a teacher. I enjoyed it somewhat, but I saw it as a way to prepare for my ultimate career goal--Motherhood. Once I became pregnant, I ended my teaching career and focused totally on my life as a stay-at-home mother. Two kids and fourteen years later--I am ready for a career change!! I LOVED my life as a SAHM when my kids were young, but now I am dying to get back into the working world. Yet, I no longer have the desire to be a teacher. I am currently enrolled in graduate school, trying to prepare for a completely new career as a journalist/writer/editor. After my first semester, I knew that I had made the right choice. I threw out several boxes full of teaching materials that had been stored away for over a decade. I symbolically closed the book on my life as a teacher, and now I am beginning to embrace my new identity as a journalist and writer. My career goals have completely changed.

Home Life--For years, I was very domestic. I just wanted to create the perfect home and family environment for my children. This applied to every last detail, and I had reached what I thought was the pinnacle of life--the perfect home and life for my family. We have lived this "perfect suburban life" for several years now. The children truly have had a very nice childhood, and they have many special memories to take with them into adulthood. I have no regrets, but now I am wanting to live a completely different kind of life. I find myself feeling bored to tears in this environment. When we spend time in a more urban and exciting environment, I feel revived and invigorated. I am ready to leave the suburbs, along with all of the domesticity, and head to the city. I want to live in the middle of it all, and I know my teens agree. They used to love our wooded retreat, but now they yearn for the excitement of the city. It's funny how this perspective can really change through the years--I used to live in the city and dream of suburban/country living. Now I can't stand it and I'm ready to go back.

My Stuff--For years, I hovered over many things that represented "precious memories" to me. Now, all of a sudden, I find myself purging and dumping many things that I thought I could never part with. Some things were purchased just a few years ago--the "perfect thing" to go here or there. Now I can't stand it and can't wait to get rid of the "old stuff" and start fresh and new. I no longer like the same things that I used to think were wonderful. My tastes and styles are completely changing. I now look at my things with a new perspective--do I really want to take this item with me to my new life? Usually, the answer is no, and the item must go. I am preserving a few special memories--and ALL photos and scrapbooks--but nothing else.

I am now seeing my life from a completely new perspective. I now realize that there is another complete and total life ahead of me--one that in no way resembles my "past life." I am taking the concept of "starting over" VERY literally!! New life, new home, new style, new ME!!! It's SO exciting!! :)