52 Weeks: Week 36

This shows my "body image" in reality, then in how I WANT to look. That shirt is good for illustrating exactly where my problem area is right now. In general, and compared to my overweight photos, I feel thin and am happy about my weight loss. I look SO much better now than I did last year (and for years before that). I would even say that I have a positive body image when looking in the mirror from the front and back. Then it gets murky when looking at my side views. I know I am ALMOST there...ALMOST as thin as I used to be when I was younger...ALMOST....but almost isn't enough. I want to keep going until I reach my ultimate goal. I WANT to get my body into AWESOME shape, not "pretty good" shape. And THAT will take a LOT more work...work that I am more than willing to do.

I purchased some work-out videos that are suppose to help me with this goal. I will continue to eat light and healthy, drink a lot of water, and walk or do lots of cardio everyday (to maintain weight loss AND to continue being a health-conscious person). Now I will add an additional daily workout to TRY to tone and firm my body into the shape that I would like to see. I am at a good weight: 125. I thought I would be happy at this weight, but I still have some flabby areas. My goal is not necessarily to get to a certain weight anymore: if I lose a few more pounds, then so be it...my number one goal is to burn off all excess body fat and tone the muscles underneath. I refuse to believe that it isn't possible at my age or after having kids (or after being out of shape for over a decade).

The second profile...my dream profile...THAT is how I looked when I was younger. I'm not looking to other women for unrealistic role models. I am merely trying to get MY body into the shape that it USED to be in. I am trying to erase all of the extra baggage that I have been carrying around...love handles, spare tire, baby bump, arm flaps, back fat, etc. I guess this is kind of like an experiment: Can a 40 year old woman get rid of this extra baggage? Is it just part of getting older and something that we just have to live with, or can we really work hard and get a "perfect body" at this age? I know that I have heard people swear that it CAN be done: I have seen many women over 40 with what I consider to be "perfect bodies." Yes, we still look older than the young girls, but being in awesome shape as an older woman does indeed seem possible. Then I hear people from the other side saying: no matter what we do, our bodies WILL change and we can't ever get back into our youthful bodies...the "extra baggage" is just part of getting older and is here to stay. I don't know which is true for me...I HOPE my hard work will be rewarded with the results that I would like to see. I THINK my small frame means that I am meant to be a small person...I am not working against nature and the way I am suppose to be. The fact that my small frame put on weight in the past due to unhealthy eating and inactivity does not mean that I am meant to be a larger person...it just means that when I don't take care of myself, I get out of shape. When I was younger, I was probably underweight, but I ate lots of junk food and never exercised...I was naturally thin and did not try to get that way. As I aged, I continued my not so healthy lifestyle, but then I began gaining weight because of it. Now, I am maintaining a healthy lifestyle...I SHOULD be maintaining a fit body, too. If I keep working hard, surely I will burn all excess fat and tone muscle...thus resulting in a fit and toned figure...my personal "perfect body."

I will never be tall...I am only 5 ft 4. But I think I can get into good shape. A goal weight isn't really the issue anymore...A goal size isn't either...I jsut want to like what I see in the mirror, even when looking at my profile. I just want to erase that extra bit, like I did in the photo. That shirt has lines in it, and the lines illustrate exactly where I want to whittle away the fat. It seems to be fat, not extra skin, so I think I can do it. It will take a lot of hard work, and it will take time, but I think I can do it. I USED to have the figure that I am dreaming of...so I think I can do it. I think I can...i think I can...I think I can... :)