My Last Day at Forty Years Old

Tomorrow I will turn 41 years old--it just doesn't seem like as big of a transition as it was turning 40. I feel the need to look back over the past year to see how much I have changed and what I have accomplished. I also want to look at who I am today to see the person I have become. And finally, I want to look to the future to see if my goals and plans are still feasible and attainable. As I spend my final day as a forty-year-old woman, I want to be sure that my life is heading in the right direction. I want to begin taking small steps into the new life I am yearning to live. The transition is almost complete--I'm ready to fly with my new wings! :)


Looking back over this past year, I wanted to list the goals that I attained for myself and stay up-to-date on my progress. Some things I did that I had on my list of "things to do":
I began focusing on the future with a positive attitude--I was able to purge myself of things that I no longer needed and organize the things that I wanted to keep--I stayed current in my journals/photos/videos and blogs to document my life and my family's lives for posterity--I continued living a healthy lifestyle with diet and exercise and good health habits--I took good care of myself and put a concerted effort toward my appearance and refined my image--I completed graduate school and received my Masters Degree--I began planning for my future career and prepared for my transition into the working world--I sorted out the philosophical questions in my mind and began my search for answers to the meaning and direction of my personal life as an individual--I developed more confidence in myself and I began standing up for myself and speaking my mind even when in the face of opposition--I decided exactly who I really and truly was inside and who I really and truly want to be in the future (and I began transforming into that person)--I communicated my feelings with my family and let them know, with love, that life would soon be changing for ALL of us once I made my major changes--I spent a lot of quality time with my family and solidified the close bond we all have with each other--and I did everything I possibly could to help prepare myself and my family for a new stage in life and our major upcoming transition and move.


When I look at who I am today and compare this woman with the woman I USED to be--I barely recognize the "old me"! I have changed a lot--and not just my appearance!! I am definitely a more outspoken, liberated, independent woman now. The mousy girl I used to be--the one who just accepted things because of tradition and habit--that person no longer exists. Now, I am a strong woman who questions EVERYTHING--I accept NOTHING at face value. I am now a very progressive thinker--tradition has it's place, but it is NOT the basis for every life decision. Sometimes we have to put tradition behind us and move forward with new and different plans. I have done a LOT of that lately. People THOUGHT they knew me--they thought they could predict my feelings and beliefs about things--but that is no longer the case. Now, my answers, attitudes, and ways of thinking often surprise people who have known me for years. They definitely see that I am NOT the same person I was back then. I now use MY brain, MY conscience, and MY heart to make decisions about MY life--I no longer rely on the thoughts, teachings, or beliefs of others. I am my OWN person now! And I LOVE thinking for myself, even though it does cause more conflict with others who still believe in traditional ways. But I'm not backing down--my new beliefs and way of thinking are my own--I no longer hold on to the beliefs of others or take them as my own. I am a free-thinker and a free spirit! :)


Now, as I look to the future--I truly believe that I can and will achieve all of the goals that I set out to attain. I now believe in myself and my potential--I no longer let self-doubt tear down my dreams. Even when those doubts begin to surface, I fight them back with true empowerment. I CAN do anything I set out to do!! If others can do it, why not me? So this is how I am approaching the future--not, "I hope it will happen," but "It WILL happen"!! Sometimes the timing isn't exactly as I had planned--but it still CAN and WILL happen, even when on a different timetable. I am SO looking forward to the future!! Yes, it is a bit disappointing to experience the delay--I certainly thought I would be living my NEW life at this point in time. I did NOT expect to spend my 41st birthday in my "old life" and situation. But, so be it. A slight delay is NOT going to knock the whole plan off track. I can almost guarantee that everything WILL be in order and going strongly by the time my 42nd birthday arrives. Sure, life offers no guarantees--but I will continue on my path toward my goals--and if everything goes as planned, I will reach many more goals in the upcoming year. So here's to becoming "Forty-something"! :) I can no longer claim to be forty, but 41 just sounds a bit boring--so I think I will spend the next few years being "forty-something"--that is, until I hit FIFTY! :)


In regards to the blog and the idea behind 365 days or 52 weeks of photos. It wasn't easy keeping up with a weekly photo and entry--I really don't think I could amp that up to a daily one! And right now, I am in the middle of transitioning and moving. I will TRY to add things to document this transition and move, but I think I will relieve myself of the pressure of keeping up with a daily or weekly task. Yes, I want to continue to document all of these changes. I just don't want to make it fit a specific schedule. I think THIS blog is about my "midlife crisis" and all of the changes and transitions I am making in midlife. I will continue to add my thoughts and feelings about these issues when I feel the need. Once we move and begin our new lives in our new hometown, I will begin a blog about THAT life stage. This blog will be about the oddities of midlife--the other blog will be about my new life in Florida as a busy career woman and mother of two teenagers. I know that one day I will look back on ALL of my blogs and be glad that I documented my life during this stage. I want it to be fun--and even therapeutic--but I don't want blogging to ever feel like a burden to keep up-to-date. So goodbye, for now. I will be back as a 41 year old, and I will blog about any feelings I have regarding this strange stage between "Sex and the City" and "Golden Girls"--it's a wild ride, that's for sure! :)